The Importance of Playing to Win

play to win

Over the years I’ve noticed one key difference between guys who have an amazing abundance of Korean girls to meet, date, and sleep with and those who sit around on their keyboards always talking about “next time.” This one shift in mindset will lead to amazing experiences that will shatter a multitude of limiting beliefs about yourself, women, and what is possible. It took me about a year to finally make the mental leap and it was due to taking massive action and pattern recognition. This mental shift is what is known as “Playing to Win.” It’s a metaphor used in sports that describe teams who go for the victory in the final minutes vs those who play to drain the clock out and coast by.

A lot of guys who go out to approach women and get good reactions or even perhaps a date take their foot off the gas pedal. They allow good reactions to feed their ego and become somewhat of an astral drug addict running from girl to girl seeking the next “high.” fighting for rapport. They may think “I hooked her” and “I have something special here so I don’t want to lose it.” This mindset is fundamentally flawed because you never “have a girl” just because she meets you, dates you, or even if she sleeps with you. This mindset of getting high on the good reactions and fear of progressing the interaction is essentially based on a delusion. This delusion leads to the disease of what I like to call “Mr. Next time.”

When I first arrived in Korea and started improving my dating life I slowly started to get good reactions from women. I remember being addicted to those reactions, soon I was able to get dates with stunning girls. I recall feeling infatuated with the girls on the date and not wanting to lose them. This fear lead me to running dates and bringing them back to the station projecting “future plans together.” What I slowly realized was that most of the time the future plans never came to fruition….especially with the most attractive girls. By playing not to lose instead of playing to win, I was essentially denying myself and the girl an amazing opportunity to connect with each other and to give her an experience she can’t give herself. I was also sub-communicating neediness, scarcity, and other poor traits by seeing the interaction in such a way. By being afraid to be an engaging man who is a leader and instead hoping for a nice future outcome, I was never fully present in the interaction. Also, I was placing her on a higher-ground and often viewing her as out of my league and outside of my reality rather than viewing her as another human i’m connecting with while presenting her a great opportunity to connect with someone as amazing as me.

Slowly it started to become clear that in every interaction, every date, every home bounce I needed to play to win. In a busy Mega Metropolis like Seoul you often only have one shot so you need to make the most of it. A lot of western game material is centered around smaller towns where an instant date might increase your chances of seeing the girl again since not much else is going on. In Gigantic Mega-Cities in Asia with unlimited activities, social-obligations, and stimulus, this is indeed not the case. Shifting mindsets and thus executing the right behaviors, not only do you have a chance that day with the girl, but it increases the future odds of seeing her again which may seem counter-intuitive. If I was free I started going for instant-dates rather than Kakaotalk Id’s. I started running dates in my area on my plan, If I had a date I would go for a home bounce every time. If I got her home I would make her comfortable and begin to escalate. The one month that this mental shift took place I went from 1 successful date the previous month with many squandered dates to 9 successful dates and the ones that squandered were also close calls! Meanwhile in the Pick up forum in Korea I heard tales of guys talking about qualifying girls….meeting for quick coffees….and texting girls for months chasing a meet up while not getting out and approaching new women….their results were as bad if not worse than my previous results before this mental shift took place. I also realized they were coming from a mindset of scarcity….afraid of losing what they thought they had……It was clear they had not gone deep enough to make the mental shifts and thus a large portion of the social matrix was invisible to them.

Here are some key telltale signs that you are playing not to lose.
-Texting for long periods of time without inviting her out on a date
-Running dates outside of your area or without a close location set up in advance.
-Bouncing girls to your home and not escalating.
-Settling for a number/kakaotalk id rather than first bouncing out of the venue or from the street to another location.
-Focusing too much on text-game instead of going out and making fresh opportunities

If you can relate to any of these then there is a part of yourself that fears success or fears loss. The key is to shift your mind into abundance and excitement about the unlimited opportunities followed by progressive action rather than the scarcity mindset of fear of potential failures and loss of “this good reaction” or “this swell date.”

When you treat every interaction with a girl as if it were the last, you are fully present, engaged, fully listening to her and giving her the total (insert your name) experience.
This may not be comfortable at first as you are undergoing an inner alchemical process by pushing your polarity from feminine to masculine, from unsure to confident, shifting inner frames from scarcity to abundance. When you assign rules to your actions (i.e must run dates in my area, must go for the home bounce every date, must go for first kiss 10 minutes into the home bounce) you hold yourself accountable and create the actions as habit, which in turn instills the mindsets and cultivates the polarities of a naturally attractive male. The process of turning lead to gold is inevitable when your put your focus on changing your frames and take action.

Korean women are some of the most feminine women in the world. I can ensure you they want men who lead, who are comfortable with leading, and who give them a range of emotions that they can connect with. They don’t want an orbiter chode, but some may use such for their own benefit. Write down which area of your game that you are playing not to lose and create and action plan to push your comfort zone and to give the girl a chance with you!