The hermetic axiom, “Where your attention goes, energy flows” is not only true in life but also EXTREMELY true in the dating world. People tend to attract the results they expect, talk about, or think about. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we think about or expect most (both consciously and subconsciously) primes us to see things that are related to that thought or expectation. To put it simply, seeing isn’t believing, but believing is seeing. When you believe that most people are assholes and the world is against you, you will start to selectively focus on the assholes and assholish behavior that you “see” in your daily life. You will then confirm this and solidify your belief and focus on this. You will then even begin to talk and behave in a way that assumes others are assholes and thus sending out that vibe, and so your energy flows in this direction thus manifesting that reality. This is exactly why I recommend staying away from constant intake of things like “Redpill material” and “The Manosphere.” Having a general understanding or considering the concepts isn’t bad, but viewing the world in such a bitter victim-like way instead of out of a place of power, mastery, and love for women will result in a negative downward course for your life and interactions.
People who love women, life, get laid, and are happy don’t bother with such lame ideology in a serious manner – rather they take some of the ideas in and move on. In terms of game and pick up, when you focus on positive changes, positive frames, positive reference experiences, you begin to emit a positive vibe. You then focus on positive results and start assuming familiarity with women and believe that results with women are inevitable with right action. You internalize the positive, take empowerment from positive actions, and thus manifest a positive upward spiral. This does not mean you will bang every chick, nor every girl will like you off the open, but rather it will help you to be more carefree and put out a positive vibe stemming from your focus, which makes positive results more and more likely. Your brain will also guide your behavior to take actions that will confirm your positive assumptions as opposed to making negative thoughts guiding your behavior. I’ll also add that don’t assume that all of your behaviors will automatically change to a positive result with no effort, you do need to constantly adjust and check yourself over time in a practical way to make improvements towards your desired outcomes and bring actual blind spots and shortcomings into your awareness.
Limiting Beliefs and Recurring Thought Loops
Most people have a series of limiting beliefs or thought patterns that hold them back in their life and in success with women. Many of us are merely prisoners in our own minds to these beliefs and never lead a life or date women we want due to this. A good practice is to write down a list of the bad frames and limiting beliefs or sour emotions that are holding you back from achieving success with women. You can also explore when you took on these beliefs/emotions or what conditioning or programming lead to you thinking this way. Writing can be very therapeutic and help us to integrate these experiences constructively rather than let them be a destructive force in our life. After you do this, write down positive frames and beliefs that will help serve you in your journey in dating.
Belief: I am not good enough to approach and date hot women
Reframe: I am good enough to approach and date any women to whom I am attracted.
Belief: I need more money, better clothes, magic tricks, a fancy car, a 6 pack and huge biceps, and a mansion to meet a hot girl.
Reframe: I will make more money for myself, learn skills I want to learn, buy things I want, take care of my health, present myself in a well groomed and presentable fashion, and bring a girl(s) I like along the ride with me and into my world.
Belief: Only Chads or guys with a high SMV can meet hot girls who are of value.
Reframe: I will focus on the right things to improve myself, my life, my game, and proactively meet women I am into while bringing them into my awesome world.
You can continue this process with any belief and concept you feel is holding you back, reframe it in a way that serves you. The emphasis is on serves you in your way, not just a generic positive “feel-good” statement. This also applies to thought patterns and thought loops you have on a regular basis when you are alone, out approaching, etc.
Most of us have negative closed thought loops on a regular basis. These negative thought loops result in us feeling poorly and we begin to emit a bad vibe to others. For example, what if I get rejected and people on the street see me, what if she doesn’t like me. You are focusing on the worst that can happen, hypothetically which puts you into fear and panic. The trick is to catch yourself mentally masturbating on these negative closed thought loops that bring your down and redirect them to positive open thought loops that elevate your vibe. For example, she looks attractive! I’m going to go over and chat with her and see where it goes! I’ve dated girls like her, I can do it again. If other people see me, they will be impressed with my confidence and congratulatory. Focusing on the best possible outcomes and problem solving puts you into a good vibe and focus on creating a good possible outcome while remaining ready and engaged for what obstacles or situations arise in the moment.