Useful Frames and Mindsets for Dating Korean Women
Having a solid frame when dating Korean women if very important as the course of the interaction if heavily influenced by that frame. The frame is set in the initial approach, the first text, and early in the date. If you’re pretending to be a language partner, a foreigner asking for directions, just a friend, or acting like a clown-like entertainer throughout the interaction that’s what she will come to expect on the date. While it is possible to flip this frame on the date and close, it’s more efficient to set a proper frame from the start. What kind of frame and what is a frame you ask? Well, basically, you’re a man whos talking to her, potentially interested, and leading her to a potential sexual relationship. not a financial, or friendly and social relationship, not a professional relationship. This doesn’t mean you are chasing her, or being overly keen – but rather it means you are a man comfortable in his own skin and that acts on what he wants. You express what you think while exploring the possibilities of the “relationship” together by vibing, connecting, and leading. She can feel how you feel and will pick up on the way you look at her, your proximity to her, and the way you speak. These are all sub-communications that will create sexual tension. When dating Korean women, being friendly is ok and even ideal to make them comfortable, but there should be subtle undertones of sexuality/flirtation. I’ll include a list of useful frames below that one can adapt when approaching and dating Korean women
- Exploring Opportunities
This frame is very natural and that which a person who is confident and social in general will have adapted. However, for someone starting out it is a good frame to adopt and take on as it gets your in a relaxed, low pressure, no expectations mindset. Basically each time you see a girl and approach her, you see it as an opportunity to explore that may or may not manifest. Just like when you see an opening for a job, or opening for a basketball shot, or another other potential situation that you may way to embrace, you view the approach that way. You explore the girls world, the situation, and the bubble of energy flowing and growing between you two. Since the other girl has the freedom to engage or not and a host of random variables are at play in the environment and her mood, you must let go and enter with no expectations yet excited about the potential opportunity. Surfing through the interaction and finding unique things about her along the way while bringing out unique expression within yourself in the moment is the essence of a natural gamer. While technically you can explore financial relationships, friendships, and any other type of interpersonal connection in this way – we are exploring sexual and romantic relationships thus flirting is important (See upcoming article on How to Flirt with Korean Women).
- The Oppa Frame
The best way to know how to adapt this frame is to enter a cafe or a restaurant/pocha venue in Korea and see how the Korean guy on a date with his girlfriend or just with a hot girl in general acts and behaves. If the dude already had sex with the girl, he is generally chill in body language yet commands a bit of respect as he is “the older brother” or “Oppa (오빠)” in Korean. He has more life experience, more insight, gives advice and speaks with authority. He also teases the girl and her silly comments or behaviors and doesn’t walk on eggshells, speaks his mind at all times! Viewing the girl sort of as a younger sister type who doesn’t know any better, but who you can have fun with, tease, show insights into her life circumstances is a very powerful frame of leadership and one that Korean girls enjoy the dynamic and have experienced throughout their lives. It will especially help with guys who put girls on a pedestal or fall into their frames. You are the captain of the ship and in charge at all times, responsible for the direction and course. When dating Korean women, it is important to understand that you must lead the course of the date – the conversation – the dynamic – and ultimately the close. Korean women are looking for a “big brother/오빠” and leader not a little meek supplicating chump. Those coming from a Western background may feel uncomfortable being fully masculine and have a tendency to look to the girl for reassurance or ask “do you have time?” “Would you like to do this” – These forms of polite etiquette and supplication should ultimately be absolved when taking on the Oppa frame. Lead first, calibrate after!
- Adventure Frame
The adventure frame is pretty self explanatory. You view the interaction as an adventure that your bringing the girl on. You are both living in the moment and going on an adventure together that continues to get more interesting and fun with the curiosity of what will happen next along the way, offering a breath of fresh air and an escape from the same old daily routine into something exciting. You are gifting her an adventure but it is also something you are partaking in and enjoying along the way. Your life is awesome and you are celebrating and giving fun while co-creating an epic time for the two of you. Your making every moment enjoyable and as the interaction moves forward your moving it forward in a way that adds more fun. When dating Korean Women as a foreigner, you are bringing the girl a totally unique experience. Bring her into your world of foreign experience, culture, language, food, drinks, and Boom Boom as they say in Thailand. Understanding that you are gifting the girl a valuable experience and connection that she can’t give herself is important. As she likely cannot take a trip abroad in the moment – you can give her a mini-trip abroad here and now.